By JAN ZIETTLOW
I don’t really have a sense of what it’s like to be a person of color. I haven’t talked to anyone specifically about how it is for them, being different. My approach to people of various ethnic backgrounds has always been to treat them as I do my white friends. And I’ve thought recently: How disrespectful of me, to assume that they have the same experiences that I’ve had, that they see the world as I do.
I grew up in white middle-class Iowa, mostly Protestants and a few Catholics. The first Black person I met was in college, and she was from one of the missions in Africa. This was in 1966 or 1967. We had a field ecology trip to the Mississippi Gulf, and she was in that class. We went to a laundromat, and a sign in the window said, “No coloreds,” and I thought, oh, that means Lydia can’t wash her clothes, or we have to wash them for her. We would stop at gas stations and use the rest rooms, and we discovered there was usually an extra toilet around the back. Only later we realized that was probably for the African American people. We had no clue.
After my first teaching job in New York, I moved to North Carolina. I had a couple of Black friends there, and I remember, this was when “Sanford & Son” was big on TV, one Black man was highly incensed about the show. He said, “This is not who we are. It does not put us in a good light.” And the other Black man said, “Yeah, but at least we’re on TV, and that’s a start.” Neither one of those views had ever dawned on me. I just didn’t think about how they felt they were being perceived.
So, I’ve had a variety of experiences that have helped me see that I don’t really understand. And to disrespect the experience of people of color, to not be aware of their experience, is racist. Being a racist isn’t just about actively participating in some of the racist things in our society; it’s also about not having a clue.
Really, it is about respect, respecting all life, our similarities and our differences. But it’s difficult: I don’t have people around who I can ask, What is your experience? I am just beginning to have support to become more aware of my racism.
Our country is in trouble when it comes to racial violence, to the police, to how we are approaching people, our citizens. That’s hard to see in Boulder, where ethnic diversity is pretty limited, and where the police violence isn’t happening – so it’s been easier for me to separate myself from it.
But I think I understand the anger out there. That probably would be my response, too. The police violence has been going on for a long time, and there have been other, peaceful protests, and nothing much has changed. I don’t know that violence is going to change it, but that feeling of powerlessness, that sense of “What do we have to do?” — I see how painful that must be.
I worry about our country. I see us as more focused on economics, on getting back to business. The important questions of how do we come together as a community, how do we support each other, how do we grow as a country — those aren’t being talked about. We’re not doing a good job taking care of our own people.
How do we get to a better place? I don’t know. More people protesting peacefully, bringing it to our attention, is a starting point. I hope that, as a country, we see there are some things we have to change, and I do see some of that awareness building.
But I believe we start with ourselves. It is really easy to sit back and complain about what “they” are doing and how “they” should change; and far more effective to see what I have to contribute here in Boulder, in Montana. I believe each one of us has a piece of the solution. My job is to see what I can contribute and to participate.
And personally, it’s time for me to look at my own racism. I’m older, I’m wiser, I see things more clearly. I’m thinking more about how I fit into the grand scheme of the world. How do I participate in the life of my community, and how do I add something rather than avoiding or taking away? And I feel like it’s time to start showing up more.
Jan Ziettlow, a former school teacher, is a Boulder resident.
