The atmosphere at Ting’s Bar in Jefferson City Dec. 20 was relaxed, but the competitors were tense, as they showed their dedication to holiday shenanigans during the annual clash of woolen-wrapped contestants at the “Brawl of the Wool” ugly sweater contest.
Local musician Lance Handyside entertained the crowd of about 40 who had made their way to Ting’s, while also serving as the competition’s Master of Ceremony. And this correspondent, not otherwise known for his sartorial savvy, was selected by Tings owner Angel Molyneaux, to serve as the competition’s judge. As final adjustments were made to bells, lights and other glittery items on their knitted entries, I scrutinized the participants, and looked closely for details that set competitors apart.
Handyside mingled with the crowd, and spoke with a few of the seasoned sweater-wearers. Soon, challengers lined up and paraded past the enthralled spectators, who cheered and noted their approval as each crummy collection of knitted knots walked outside through Ting’s front door, then re-entered back on stage with Handyside. This pivotal portion of the event separated the run of the mill ugly sweaters from the true champions.
At last, the awards part of the ceremony commenced. Molyneaux began with the third place award, given to Jake Zitnik, a very tall and stout man who wrapped himself in a red and white abomination that he had trimmed with bright green trousers that severely clashed with the rest of his holiday attire. He had added flickering lights that extended off the sweater itself onto his beard. A truly worthwhile effort that was appreciated by the audience. Jake’s third place prize was a poinsettia plant, a perfect holiday gift for every Montana garden.
Truly an outstanding effort – but just not quite ugly enough to win it all – Addy Benevides wore a white knit sweater adorned with jingle balls and various “Ho ho ho’s” and other seasonal blather. For her second place efforts, Benevides received a free drink chip.
The grand prize of a $25 bar tab was granted to a truly remarkable effort in ugly sweater competitions. Tony King wore a black wool knit sweater that ordinarily might pass as simply unattractive. But King had the imagination and competitive drive to adorn the sweater with a tacky decorated Christmas stocking on the front, trimmed with junky lights and glass ball decorations. King had obviously put a great deal of effort into the competition and showed a strong desire not just to finish, but to rout the competition and send a message that a new ugly sweater king had arrived.
After a round of applause, Handyside kicked back into the music with a spirited cover version of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Looking Out My Back Door”, which brought the dancers back out to the floor, and signaled the end of another Brawl of the Wool.
